i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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