Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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