I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
