You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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