I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
