Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In America we eat man semen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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