Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize