I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
