wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
