Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
