Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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