Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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