ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
