Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
