I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
