He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
