When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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