I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
