i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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