I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize