we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
