I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
