??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
