I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
