I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
