When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
