Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
