We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
