using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
