Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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