We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize