the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
