9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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