Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
