He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
