Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
