I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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