Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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