i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize