i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
