what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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