Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Boobs speak an international language.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
