Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
