dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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