just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
