I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
