The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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