you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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