TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is that strawberry winking at me??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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