id be glad to
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
