he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
