She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize