Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
