Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
