i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
