I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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