My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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