dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
