I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize