i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
