this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
