There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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