My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
