Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
