I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
