wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
