It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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