I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
