Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
