Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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