Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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