happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
