im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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