If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize