i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
