Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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