I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
