Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
