I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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