My room smells like vodka and shame
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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