nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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