Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
