ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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