Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
me + whiskey = a bad person
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize