Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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