I'm going to jail i love you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize