How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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