are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
