I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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