Im at strip club and am horny
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
