have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
