I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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