Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My cat gives me a boner
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
