Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
