hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
