He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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