who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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