bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
