There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
