just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
