Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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