FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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