guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
