She announced her abortion via fbk
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
