I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
