Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The uberlube is also flammable
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize