I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
