I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
