it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
