The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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