I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
